rolling the dice

I started up asking for stories about my dad last year, so I could begin writing a book about him. I want to show the world how a significantly flawed individual can also make a significantly positive impact on the world. The lens I'm using is one of love and forgiveness, but it also is one of truth. I also bet a little too much on the idea that people would want to honor him like I do.

When the call for stories was circling, some of my family were quick to help. However, there were many who did not respond at all—people who my father helped out of major messes in their lives (or what could have turned out to be major messes anyway). There were also a couple of individuals who confided in me that they had such negative experiences with him that they couldn't think of any good thing to say. And so you know, I only called for positive stories or stories that ended up having a positive outcome no matter how far distant it was because I don't want to write out all of his failings. I don't believe his failings are actually his story, not in the least. Yes, they are part of his life and the way he interacted with and sometimes hurt people, but failings do not define anyone. NO ONE. And the lack of kindness and even gratitude for what my father did for some of these people who had nothing good to say so they aren't saying anything at all sort of makes me sick.

If I could, I'd like to have them recall every unkindness they ever did to someone else—especially the ones that they didn't mean to do or even realize—and see if they believe anyone should say nice things about them or offer any gratitude whatsoever ever. Would they judge themselves so harshly? Would they want everyone to just forget every good thing they ever did?

You probably can tell by now that this process has wounded me in a way. But I wouldn't change that I'm striving to really do a celebration of life for this amazing person who deserves to be remembered in a positive light just like most anyone on this planet. It is important that the memory of my father be put in a more generous light, a light to match his intention in life. It might be a crapshoot if anyone will read the book I'm writing for him, but at least I'll know there's a witness of his good heart, at the very least.